Random Thoughts

So my first post is my evolution as a blogger, presenter, educator, all that happy horseshit.

This post is an ongoing effort, a set of markers on my journey as a blogger.

I am not a particularly skilled writer, I have enthusiasm and knowledge but my ability to cobble together words is not particularly powerful.  I am great at starting and idea but not always so good at finishing it, on top of that I tend to edit and re-edit anything I write.  If you have comments or questions about something I write don’t hesitate to let me know.  Also I am not sure that I am ever completely done with something that I write.  It might be worth rereading stuff from time to time since I have a tendency to update and elaborate on things over time.

Gripe #1  GoDaddy

Ugghhh! So buy a domain she says.  Okay princess, papa will do that.  Cool GoDaddy says it will be 13 bucks for a year, then go up next year to 18 bucks, not a problem I got this.  Well you know what you get when you buy a domain from GoDaddy?  Just a domain, just blahblah.com just the words.  Oh and a guarantee that no one else can register that domain.  Nothing else, nothing at all.  That doesn’t buy you a website, even if you know how to write one from scratch.  Nope just the words.  So the tools and the hosting will be 6 bucks a month if you pay a year in advance.  GRUMBLE! GRUMBLE…Grumble…grumble..mumble..um..

Thought #1  Why I started

I did it all for the cookies, the cookies!  Nope but I have to admit as a violet wand top I get a lot more requests for scenes than I ever did before buying my first violet wand.  Is that a good reason to buy a kit?  No probably not but if you find that you enjoy electricity then go for it.  Just remember to learn and be safe!

Thought #2  Community

Community really is important to me, before find the local kink community here in NoVA I never really felt like I belonged.  Some of my best friends are a part of this community or I met because of this community.  Some people say there is no such thing as community but in my opinion they are wrong.  We who choose to make a community, we who choose the be friendly and kind to new people and even old people.  We who choose to make an effort to make the world what we want to see.

Thought #3 Friendship

I have a dear friend who is always telling me that I am horrible judge of character, because I choose to be friends with them.  I believe that they are good person despite outward appearances because of how they behave publily and privately. I can understand judging a book by the cover, we have all done it at one point or another, but I find that more often than not the best books don’t have a pretty cover.  🙂

I never considered a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosophy, as cause for withdrawing from a friend. –Thomas Jefferson

I cannot quite come up with the right words to describe how important friends are to me.

Thought #4

Feedback!  I have lots of things that I want to write about, and some of it might even have a value to others, but I almost feel like I am doing this in a vacuum, there isn’t a lot of sense of feedback or connection.  Not a lot of what I need to stay motivated.  If someone reads this please feel free to throw me a comment or a message something so that I can feel like this is worth the effort.  Thanks!

Thought #5

Sometimes your friends have the ability to annoy you more than anyone else in the world.  Sometimes you love them and hate them and want to choke them until they are quiet.

Thought #6

Events.  So on my list of things that I do I run the NoVA Sushi munch a monthly event that travels to various sushi restaurants in the Northern Virginia area.  I enjoy the event and since running it passed on to me I try to take running it seriously.  Like many people who run events and use FetLife to share their events and allow for RSVP’s it’s often a challenge.  For example the last munch had 9 people RSVP’d yes and 25 people RSVP’d maybe.  We ended up with 10 people, but asked the restaurant for 15.  I understand how this happens.

Thought #7

This social media thing is a little crazy sometimes, at least if I do it in an organized fashion it’s not quite as time consuming but this kind of sucks.

Thought #8

This one is a problem but I have to write the words.  Most violet wand people are cunts; myself included, we are opinionated and bitchy and have the tendency to attack when we don’t agree with others.  This issue is exacerbated when money is involved.  Good vendors, bad vendors, often it seems like half of what they do is attacking others.  UGHHHH!

Thought #9

So I have a simple outpatient procedure this Friday.  A venous ablation to take care of some veins in my leg that have valve issues.  Turns out that this is part of what spider veins and varicose veins are.  Well long and short I am scared, I know it’s not a big deal and that it’s safe but my worried brain keeps thinking of all that can go wrong, of the pain, of the fear, and won’t let it go.  I HATE anxiety!

Thank you to eroticwetatomic for my logo bear!  Woohoo.

If you see me at an event remind me that I need to get more pictures.  Please… pretty please.

Thought #10

I posted something on FetLife about how I am feeling conflicted about some of the presenting that I do.  I love you all.  I really appreciate everyone who comes to my classes and trusts me to do demonstrations with me.  But of late I am less enthusiastic about some of the venues and organizations that hold events that I teach or demonstrate at.  I don’t want to poke the bear on this matter but consider how groups treat the people who present.

4/6/19

So if you have found this, then you know where the bodies are buried so to speak, this is where I just go to say things that I might want others to know but I am not always comfortable openly sharing.  Yeah the craziness of this isn’t lost on me.

6/28/19

Its been a while since I have come to this page and a lot has happened in the last couple of months, my entire world has been shaken up like an etch-a-sketch.  I am getting divorced, i have moved to an apartment.  I am at a really strange place right now, I am sad and tired and happy and excited and I want to find something to latch on to.  I know that I am not making the best decisions right now so I try to be reflective on my choices and I spend a lot of time second guessing myself.  Asking if I made a good choice, is this or that what I want to do?  Will these things make me happy without doing hard to others?  What is right for me? Can I actually make myself do the good things, can I give myself the love and permission to do things/try things/ fail or succeed?  Can I not chastise myself for everything I do?  Can I remember to be kind and considerate to others?  Can I remember to treat my friends the way they deserve?

8/12/2021

Wow, its been a long time since I looked at this page. My little semi-hidden one that I sometimes use as a diary.

So Covid was a dirty whore. I started out fine, I was able to isolate, my introvert was almost singing. Then we get to about December and I lose my shit. I experienced serious depression for the first time. It was so bad that I starting taking prosac, and even had it increased from the initial low dosage. Relatively my dose is still low 10mg. The first month comes and goes and I am really not feeling any better. I find that online sessions with my therapist; who is also overloaded by the state of the world in December 2020, I am just not getting anything out of it.

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